One thing they aren't so good for however is putting people into.
Now I know there'll be a few of you saying - but why would you do that? To those people, I meant metaphorically not literally.
There will be others who will say, but what's the problem with having a perceived idea of someone - makes it easier to choose how you'll relate to them and helps to distinguish the 'good apples from the bad ones'. Ok maybe not in so many words, but you get the picture.
Well today I'm here to share with you three reasons why putting boxes around people isn't the best idea.
- You create a particular view of the person - Ever heard someone say.. Oh he's the funny one, or she's the pretty one, or they're the one that's good at sport?
These lines, while not meaning to be harmful can sometimes be extremely dangerous if used incorrectly. By saying them, you automatically make someone out to be a particular type of person and they in turn feel they can't be anything else. They may have many more gifts - ones greater than the original, but they will never use them as they think the only thing they can be good at is the thing everyone's talking about.
On the flip side of this equation, not only will the person boxed in feel like there's only particular things they can do, but the people around them start to think that there's no use in trying something as a particular person is just so good at it and I'll never get there. This is just as dangerous as it creates a single point dependency where if a person suddenly is no longer there, no one can step in to fill the breach. It also reduces people's capacity to live to their full potential, something we weren't ever created for. - You put yourself at risk of conflict and disappointment - Putting boxes around people means that you always expect people to be a particular way as that's the image you've formed of them.When this doesn't happen, conflict and disappointment are normally the first things to occur as people don't deal well when those around them suddenly are no longer in their box.
For many reasons, people's attitudes can change and while I know I struggle with this at times, we need to let this process occur as it is an important part of growing both as a person but also in relationship with others. If you place a person in a box though, when this happens, rather than letting a person grow, you instead due to your need for control begin trying to figure out how to put a person back in the box you are so comfortable with, missing out on ways you could help another person. - You also get boxed in - Now this one might sound hard to believe but trust me, it's true. When you place people into a particular area of your life or give them a particular role, you also place boxes around that can affect you mentally and make you feel 'boxed in' too.
Recently, I was going through a bit of a funk and was wondering what was causing it? I had no idea and the more I thought about it, the worse it got.
In recent weeks, I realised the funk was caused by the fact I was so busy boxing in those around me that I'd stopped worrying about doing things that I enjoy and instead spending that time trying impress those who were around me. This worrying and bad self esteem was a result of placing people in boxes so much that I was no longer just placing them in boxes, but I was putting myself in one too.
I'd spend my days worrying not only about others and how I wanted them to be, but also how they saw me at particular times and then working out ways I could be me in the boxes I could see they were placing me in. Since realising this and reminding myself of a few home truths, I can honestly say my life is a lot happier and joyous.
While it might be easy to do, as the last three points show, boxing a person into a particular lifestyle, genre or way of living is more detrimental than just sticking a label on them, it can also stop dreams, remove talents or even come back to make you insecure.
So next time you feel the need to box someone in, remember, they may be good at something or be a certain type of person, but that's just part of the story, and there's many more chapters to come,
Till next time...
