Ok so I thought that the next blog update after the last one was going to be about how I've moved onto a new opportunity, am getting ready for a new challenge and how life was finally getting put into place.
Funny thing is though, this post is anything but that!
I'm still on the job hunt, being thrown curve-balls in all areas of my life that are making me wonder on a daily basis where is the path I'm meant to be on and more than ever, I have no idea what is going on.
It's funny how life works. One minute you think you know what is going on, the next, you are more clueless than a detective on a bad day (sorry about that analogy, know it's pretty bad, I'm blaming it on the fact it's Monday). The crazy thing is though is that for all that is going on right now and all the challenges it is placing in front of me, I'm actually OK with it. Now I'm not saying that I'm not worrying, feeling anxious, spending way too much time questioning or am in a space that I feel as if I can conquer the world- because if I said that this was the case, I'd be lying through my teeth. I am saying though that for the first time in a long time- I am realising that this is going on and importantly, I'm taking steps to keep on moving and working.
One of the reasons I think this is the case is that because I've realised now that this is God's plan, not mine. I'm finally starting to give God the opportunity to work in my life and what I'm realising very quickly is that when you let God in, things go from being very normal, to very extraordinary. If you don't get what I mean by this, that's OK, I'm about to explain.
When you start allowing God to enter into your life- and I mean really enter, like reading the bible, going to mass and listening to the word, being humble enough to go to confession and reconcile, spending time listening to good material etc. you begin to see what really matters in life, and then, life seems so much more than it did before.
Those areas where you thought what you did was good enough, suddenly become areas of needed improvement. That little thing you use to do, you see the bigger picture of what it can cause- the needs of others become more prevalent to the needs of oneself- everything and all that you thought of- changes.
More importantly though, you start to see how the things that happen around you, are more than just events, they are hints to the true path you should be on. I know for me, that once upon a time, job, relationship and friendship losses were a sign of how bad a person I was, how I just wasn't good enough. At this moment though, I've been through several knock-backs and while they still hurt (we wouldn't be human if they didn't)- now I see the reason behind them- I see that I might not have gotten that job because if I had, I would have missed out on doing something amazing. I might have turned that offer down but if I'd taken it up, I'd have missed quality time with family and friends that I am so blessed for today.
God doesn't want anyone of us to live our lives in misery- he said it himself it Jeremiah 29 where he says
God wants us all to live in a life of happiness and that will best use our gifts and talents to bring joy to this world. Never doubt that. No matter how hard, and believe me, I know how much of a struggle it is, to believe this every day of your life- it's the truth and it's what he shows us everyday.
I was reading a reflection piece this morning that talked about how when we want something done we will do it immediately, however when God wants something done- it's in his time. He isn't ruled by the time frames we set on ourselves- and while he can take a couple of days/weeks to grow a mushroom- he could take a lifetime to change or define a person into who they need to be.
The great thing about this is that while he is working through us and changing us- he still gives us so much love and joy and happiness- whether it's the friends and family around us, the nature outside or just the daily events that make us smile.
I've made the choice to let God take control of my plans. Do I know what's going to happen next? Of course not. Do I always feel safe in not knowing? Of course not. Do I trust in God always? Of course not.
But at the end of the day, do I still believe that God's plan is the best plan for me in my life? Of course I do.
Keep praying for me and hopefully soon I'll be able to write about what's happening next, but then again- it's up to God, and I'm more than happy with that. Know I'm praying for you all too.
Till next time...
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