Don't take things to heart and don't let them get the better of you

Hi all,

Today, I want to focus on a topic of conflict because if you look in the media or even around you in your own lives at this very moment - you'd have to agree it's something we don't handle all that well.

In the past, if I got into a conflict with someone, I would have gotten annoyed at the person for making me feel unhappy and I'd have held it against them for months if not years. Now I know it sounds stupid and to be honest, it was but I know I'm not the only one who deals with issues like this. It's the reason why we have revenge and wars, it's the reason why relationships fail and it's the reason why so many of us don't get to where we want to in life.

So, what exactly do we do when we either are hurt by others or others go off at us for the mistakes we make. Well here's a few tips I have learnt over the last few years that I hope will help you with this and more importantly, help you to keep living the life you deserve to live, one filled with happiness and joy.

• Be willing to be humble - First and foremost, we must be willing to realise that we will make mistakes and we need to learn from them. Those who struggle the most in life are the ones who try to blame everything on everyone else. This isn't because they lose friends, but because they never get to see the value in owning up to your mistakes. While it may hurt at the time to be yelled or spoken poorly to for something you've done wrong, if you know you've made a mistake, it's better to apologise for a mistake and move on then try to take the high ground. While the other person may still be angry with you even after you apologise, if you can show in your actions that you are working to fix the mistakes you've made, they will see that and be more likely to give you the benefit of another chance.



• Realise it's not always about you - The other day I had someone blow up at me for something
  
  that I'd done which I thought was rather small. Now while I did get annoyed at first, I quickly calmed down when I started to think about how busy this person was doing lots of really important tasks and how much stress they probably where under at that time. It's important that before we go into automatic defense of ourselves mode, that we take a step back and see the real reason why a person is angry at us. Is it because of a mistake that we made which was an error in our judgement or maybe it's because we just added to their bad day. If it's the latter, then there's a good chance you didn't cause the them to get that angry, you're just in the line of fire for an issue that is unresolved in the other persons life. We need to not feel as if every attack on us is solely because we are being targeted, but see that there are other influences that can cause people to get upset.



• Remember that everyone makes mistakes - If you read any information about how to overcome
  
  conflict, one of the first things it will say to you is that forgiveness is the key to moving forward from tough situations. Sometimes however, it can be really hard to forgive others when they've hurt you and in those moments, this third point can be a lifesaver. It's all about realising that while the person around you may have hurt you, there's a good chance that if you look back at your day, you've probably been just as frustrated or annoyed at someone or something. We are all human, we all get annoyed sometimes - whether that's in front of people's faces or like me, in my mind while getting stuck in peak hour traffic. It's the flaw that's been around since the fall of man and the sooner we realise that we are all like this, and that no one is perfect, the sooner we will be able to give leeway to each other and realise that people don't make mistakes because they want to, they do it because they are flawed, just like we are and we need to be able to love them through that.



• Take time out - If you're busy with a million things and you don't do this, I can guarantee you
  
  from personal experience that the little things in life that would normally just annoy you, will cause you to seethe and probably get you into a confrontation with someone or something that you will regret. Instead of just allowing this to happen, make sure that if you're having a busy week, you make time to take time out to go for a walk (even for five minutes). Walking clears the mind and allows you to focus your energies on something other than the tasks at hand. I know this is hard, as I struggle to do it all the time, but we need to take breaks to cut through the issues of the world and go back to seeing the beauty in it, for once we see the beauty in the world, its issues don't ever seem nearly as bad.



• Be willing to change - We all get hurt sometimes and that's a part of human life, but no one deserves to be hurt physically or emotionally by the same person over a duration of time. After
  
  all I've said above, I'm going to say this- if you are in a continually toxic relationship with someone (whether romantic, work related or otherwise) you do not have to accept it. While we have to accept people for who they are, they also have a responsibility to change and if they don't, well, then we have every right to move on somewhere else. Do not ever feel that you need to stay in an abusive or detrimental situation for any reason. This also goes for if you have done the first four points and things still stay the same. Firstly speak to the person about how you're feeling and then if you get no change after that, then look elsewhere. You deserve to be able to be free, proud and happy to be yourself always. There are always going to be dark and tough days, but if those become months and years, then get out and do something that brings the sun to your life, because you were made for that and deserve nothing less.

Know I'm praying for you all in this and keep striving to resolve the conflicts in your life- it will be so much better for you doing so.

Until next time...