Don't take things to heart and don't let them get the better of you

Hi all,

Today, I want to focus on a topic of conflict because if you look in the media or even around you in your own lives at this very moment - you'd have to agree it's something we don't handle all that well.

In the past, if I got into a conflict with someone, I would have gotten annoyed at the person for making me feel unhappy and I'd have held it against them for months if not years. Now I know it sounds stupid and to be honest, it was but I know I'm not the only one who deals with issues like this. It's the reason why we have revenge and wars, it's the reason why relationships fail and it's the reason why so many of us don't get to where we want to in life.

So, what exactly do we do when we either are hurt by others or others go off at us for the mistakes we make. Well here's a few tips I have learnt over the last few years that I hope will help you with this and more importantly, help you to keep living the life you deserve to live, one filled with happiness and joy.

• Be willing to be humble - First and foremost, we must be willing to realise that we will make mistakes and we need to learn from them. Those who struggle the most in life are the ones who try to blame everything on everyone else. This isn't because they lose friends, but because they never get to see the value in owning up to your mistakes. While it may hurt at the time to be yelled or spoken poorly to for something you've done wrong, if you know you've made a mistake, it's better to apologise for a mistake and move on then try to take the high ground. While the other person may still be angry with you even after you apologise, if you can show in your actions that you are working to fix the mistakes you've made, they will see that and be more likely to give you the benefit of another chance.



• Realise it's not always about you - The other day I had someone blow up at me for something
  
  that I'd done which I thought was rather small. Now while I did get annoyed at first, I quickly calmed down when I started to think about how busy this person was doing lots of really important tasks and how much stress they probably where under at that time. It's important that before we go into automatic defense of ourselves mode, that we take a step back and see the real reason why a person is angry at us. Is it because of a mistake that we made which was an error in our judgement or maybe it's because we just added to their bad day. If it's the latter, then there's a good chance you didn't cause the them to get that angry, you're just in the line of fire for an issue that is unresolved in the other persons life. We need to not feel as if every attack on us is solely because we are being targeted, but see that there are other influences that can cause people to get upset.



• Remember that everyone makes mistakes - If you read any information about how to overcome
  
  conflict, one of the first things it will say to you is that forgiveness is the key to moving forward from tough situations. Sometimes however, it can be really hard to forgive others when they've hurt you and in those moments, this third point can be a lifesaver. It's all about realising that while the person around you may have hurt you, there's a good chance that if you look back at your day, you've probably been just as frustrated or annoyed at someone or something. We are all human, we all get annoyed sometimes - whether that's in front of people's faces or like me, in my mind while getting stuck in peak hour traffic. It's the flaw that's been around since the fall of man and the sooner we realise that we are all like this, and that no one is perfect, the sooner we will be able to give leeway to each other and realise that people don't make mistakes because they want to, they do it because they are flawed, just like we are and we need to be able to love them through that.



• Take time out - If you're busy with a million things and you don't do this, I can guarantee you
  
  from personal experience that the little things in life that would normally just annoy you, will cause you to seethe and probably get you into a confrontation with someone or something that you will regret. Instead of just allowing this to happen, make sure that if you're having a busy week, you make time to take time out to go for a walk (even for five minutes). Walking clears the mind and allows you to focus your energies on something other than the tasks at hand. I know this is hard, as I struggle to do it all the time, but we need to take breaks to cut through the issues of the world and go back to seeing the beauty in it, for once we see the beauty in the world, its issues don't ever seem nearly as bad.



• Be willing to change - We all get hurt sometimes and that's a part of human life, but no one deserves to be hurt physically or emotionally by the same person over a duration of time. After
  
  all I've said above, I'm going to say this- if you are in a continually toxic relationship with someone (whether romantic, work related or otherwise) you do not have to accept it. While we have to accept people for who they are, they also have a responsibility to change and if they don't, well, then we have every right to move on somewhere else. Do not ever feel that you need to stay in an abusive or detrimental situation for any reason. This also goes for if you have done the first four points and things still stay the same. Firstly speak to the person about how you're feeling and then if you get no change after that, then look elsewhere. You deserve to be able to be free, proud and happy to be yourself always. There are always going to be dark and tough days, but if those become months and years, then get out and do something that brings the sun to your life, because you were made for that and deserve nothing less.

Know I'm praying for you all in this and keep striving to resolve the conflicts in your life- it will be so much better for you doing so.

Until next time...

Love has the power to overcome all

Hi everyone,

The last few months have been one of worldwide tragedy. We've had the Charlie Hebdo shootings, the continual death of civilians and children at the hands of the Boko Haram and the death a few months ago of hundreds of young ones in a brutal set of circumstances in Pakistan. Even when it wasn't terrorism related, there were communities hurting with the death of eight children in Cairns. It's truly been heartbreaking to read a newspaper or turn on a TV, computer, tablet or phone.

And all of this before we talk about the Martin Place or Sydney siege.

That chilling 18 hours that sent a shudder down the spine of every Sydneysider and Australian, including myself. The actions of a truly mad man which have changed the way we view our freedom with the sudden realisation that we are not immune to the terror that has split blood all over the world.

One would be excused if they were to run away from the world right now and becomes a recluse in a cave or to think that the good in this world has disappeared.

In the midst of all the pain, suffering, heartache and sadness though, there has been a silver lining. It is something that has renewed my hope on the good in life and brought a smile to my face.

It is clear to see in the way that thousands of people got onto social media to support those of the Islamic/Muslim faith, in the thousands of flowers of condolence that are now streaming through Martin Place. It is clear, whether you agree with the work of Charlie Hedbo, in the support that was given across France to the fight against radicalism and the promotion of freedom. It is clear in the increased value we are placing on those around us in the world today...

What I'm talking about, is of course, the gift of love.

Like a sprout peering through the ground in the first rains after a drought, the love and care shown by Australians towards each other and in particular those of middle eastern faith has been so pleasing to see and a sign of the growth of our nation.

In the face of severe adversity and hatrid in so many ways, we as a community have risen up to show those who want to cause such hurt and angst that they will never win this battle, not while we have love on our side.

Sometimes we think of love as this emotion that comes with flowers, chocolates, happy moments and smiles in abundance. We think of it as the Valentines Day Hollywood romance of a couple who are so into each other that they can't think of spending a day without each other.

While this is a form of love, eros- there's another form of love that exists, and that's Agape.

Agape is that love that we build our charitable spirit through. It comes out in the darkest of times and is the building block of our lives. It is the gift God gives us to help one another and to create a better world even when it seems like there's no hope to do so.

Right now in this world, we need to make 2015 the year of Agape. In the midst of all the craziness, fear and destruction, we need to stand strong for our fellow man or woman and love them for the people God made them to be.

There will always be moments of hurt in our lives, it's a part of the broken world we live in. But if we choose to love one another with charity, respect and care, then we can overcome the hurt and find ways to live lives of joy and virtue in all that we do.

To live with an Agape love though isn't just a one off thing, It's a daily choice we need to make no matter how much we don't want to love on that particular day. I will in future blogs go into how we can do this but needless to say that if we want to have love in our lives, we must make that choice.

Sometimes the world might not seem like it deserves to be loved, but it always does. Not because there is something great happening in it (although there always is) but because we remember that love has the power to overcome all, as St Paul said... there are three things, faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love.

Tragedy and love are a part of life, it's up to us as to which one we allow to rule.

Till next time...

Why we need to be merciful and forgive

Ok, you might be asking, why am I writing a blog on the need to forgive and be merciful, isn't that like humanity 101? Why tell me something I already know?

The thing is though, we might know about forgiving and being merciful, but do we really understand the power it offers, not only to help others, but to help ourselves.

St Augustine once said something along the lines of forgiveness happening when we "surrender our natural desire for revenge".

What that means is that to forgive, which as I've written before is key to being able to move on with life, we must first be willing to offer mercy.

Being merciful means that we are willing to drop any anger or hurt we have against someone, and love them for who they are. We must accept that like us, they are flawed and will make mistakes sometimes. We don't always have to agree with them and we can fight for our rights and beliefs, but at the end of the day, we understand those around us are valued by God and so we should value them as well.

Our soon to be Blessed Paul VI said it well when he proclaimed "Anger is like throwing a stone into a wasp nest."

If you're angry at someone, something or even at yourself, you are more likely to experience negative effects from it, like you would if you threw a stone into a wasps nest and thousands of wasps tried to sting you.

We must realise as people that we don't need that kind of pain and we don't deserve it. God wants us all to live happy and fulfilled lives, but we won't be able to do that if we are angry and aren't willing to be merciful.

Here's five ways to stop increase your ability to show mercy in your life:

1. See others values, not their faults.
2. Be willing to accept when you make a mistake, it's ok, you are human and that's a part of this fact. The key is to learn from the mistakes and grow.
3. Start seeing things from others views, rather than just your own.
4. Be kind and supportive of others before your needs.
5. Read about those of greatness and humility. Their stories normally will help you see what's really important.

Once we are being merciful, then we are more likely to see reason to forgive for the mistakes we make. In my opinion no one can try to forgive before they experience mercy, that's like trying to walk through a glass door before you've opened it.

After mercy comes forgiveness. Now forgiveness is important because it's ok to be merciful but if we don't forgive as part of that, no matter how much we might want to say we are being merciful, it will be hard as there will be past hurts and pains to challenge our decisions when it comes to mercy.

We need to clear out those past pains and hurts and the only way we can do that is by forgiving those who hurt us. Doesn't have to be face to face (although that'd be great), just as long as you do it. Every step you take is one step closer to moving on and being able to live life on your terms, free of the past.

Here's five important things to remember when looking at forgiveness?

1. Have I been hurt by others or by something I did that didn't work out?
2. Am I willing to accept that tomorrow is a new day and I ain't letting this get me down?
3. Have I looked at the bible and seen the forgiveness Jesus has for us?
4. Do I want to forgive or am I still grieving over the issue?
5. If I do want to forgive, what am I doing about it?

Our own Lord's prayer- the Our Father has the line "as we forgive those who trespass against us", now if that's not a sign of the importance of forgiveness, then I don't know what is.

Furthermore however, forgiving yourself and others and showing mercy in all situations will lead to less stress, more social interaction and overall better health. 

Don't believe me, then check out this video...

So why not give a little bit of thought to being merciful and working to forgive yourself and others this week for the mistakes in life, not only will it free them and help them to move on, but more importantly, it will do the same for you.

Life isn't meant to be lived in the mistakes of the past, it's lived in the greatness of the now!

Till next time..