It's time to get real...

Hey everyone,

I went to a talk the other night from a Deacon in the United States who spoke about how one of the greatest flaws of the Western Catholic Church compared to the Eastern Catholic Rite is that we aren't willing to be real.

He spoke about how we have this amazing religion which is filled with richness and all sort of tradition and yet we have spent years trying to make the faith something that will meet the needs of modern society - giving up the great mystery and history to try to get people to connect.

In return however, people have seen the facade for what it is - a facade. They are turned off by the efforts of the church trying to be something it's not and he spoke about how young people are actually more interested in being involved in the faith when they get to see it's richness and history and experience things that they might not understand but are different to their normal lives.

All of this got me thinking... this Deacon was talking about the Church, but could the same principle apply to our lives? The answer after a few days of thought in my mind is a resounding yes.

I think that in society today, one of the biggest traps we fall into is the fact that we think that in order for someone to accept us, we need to be something that is popular or that is liked by the person we are aiming to impress.

We spend money on hair, teeth, bodies, clothes, cars, jewellery, accessories and so much more - all in the attempt to win the masses and feel accepted by someone in this expansive world we live in.

The truth of the matter is though if we're honest, most of the time this doesn't work out too well. The person on the other end either sees straight through the facade we're putting on and walks away, or they take a liking to us for a while, however as time goes on either we find it too hard to keep the facade, they see through us and the facade and feel cheated for being lied to or we end up seeing the truth and feeling we wasted our time on the whole thing.

We are made who we are for a reason. Each one of us possesses gifts and talents that no one else has in that percentage combination. It's this combination that not only make us who we are, but draws people to us as well.

In addition, people who meet us and stay with us from the get go are normally there because they like something in us - the real us, not the person who we try to become to get others approval. If this is the case, then it really is hard to fathom why we'd change ourselves from the person who people were attracted to in the first place.

I know for some of you this may be a really hard concept to believe, but it is the truth. You DO NOT need to be anyone else but yourself. Those who truly respect and care for you will accept most of this and love you for the parts they don't accept anyway. The rest, well, you need to live with them, but you don't need to try to get their approval.

So here's a challenge for you for this week - try to be yourself without any masks or pretensions for just one day. If you succeed, then try for two the week after - if not, then keep trying till you succeed then move onto the next step.

The real you, like the Deacon at the start of the story was saying about the true Catholic Church is so beautiful and amazing that if you let it shine, those around you won't be able to help looking at it and being amazed.

Till next time everyone...

Having a bad day... know you're not alone

Hi everyone,

Sorry for the lateness of this post. Between the lack of motivation to write and then having a head cold the last few days, it's been a struggle to get anything much through the keyboard.

I'm sure you're all thinking right now- I totally get you or #thestruggleisreal.

The funny thing is that while this is completely true and we know this, whenever we are having a bad day or struggling with life, we seem to think that we're in this battle alone.

I know a month or two ago I was having one of my down times and as I looked around at everyone else around me it seemed like they were having the time of their lives, while I was all by myself in this state of unhappiness and gloom.

The truth though was that this was not the case. I soon found out that several of those people I had been around had been going through their fair share of bad days as well.

Now I'm not trying to say that you should be happier because you find out that other people's lives are as problematic as yours - it's not good that anyone's life sucks, but that's just life.

What I am saying however is that the next time you feel like you're having a bad day, here's some important things to remember:

1. Everyone has bad days - they are a part of our frailty as humans
2. Bad days don't last. The sun does come out sooner or later
3. People are around to support you, so use them and don't try to fight the battle alone.

Now this last point is one of the most critical things to remember when having a bad day. While it's so easy to look at the world and either despise it or feel it's against you when things aren't going your way - it's vital that you remember that those close to you don't have it against you to make your life a misery and more so, they want the best for you.

I regularly meet up with a group of people to chat about our lives and one of the things that I've found over the last few months is that spending time with these people is not only good for sharing how I'm feeling but it's also good for others to understand and then have a greater knowledge of why things are the way they are and how they can support.

Whether it's your family, your friends or a counselor sharing your thoughts, especially when you are having a bad day is an important step in overcoming the negative space and being able move past the bad day and into the sunshine.

Another important thing to know when you're in a bad day is that overcoming the bad starts with focusing on the good. 

Now I know that sounds so cliche, but here me out. If you have a set of mantras, phrases or for those who are of the faith, bible passages that you focus on regularly in the good and bad times, then when bad times come - you can turn your attention to these and see the truth.

When I was working in youth ministry, we use to always talk about faith - fact -feelings when dealing with a situation and how so often the feelings overwhelm the rest of the process and cloud it. Having constant messages around you will help you to stop the feelings train and place the focus back on the first two - which is key to keeping positive in life.

Finally, there is one of other thing to know about when having a bad day and that's the fact you are loved by others and by God always. It's so hard to see but this is sometimes the greatest solace of all for a person having a bad day and it's why we should always keep offering encouraging words, giving hugs and doing random gifts of kindness. Our actions towards others can be the difference between several bad days and just one.

So yes, have those bad days, they are a part of life and without them, we wouldn't appreciate the good days as much as we do - but know you're not alone in having them and that there is always support to help you work to get to the sunnier side of life.

Till next time...

NB. If life's pressures are getting too much to handle or you have been diagnosed with depression or anxiety then it is vital that you seek professional help. 

Be careful of boxing yourself in

Ah boxes.. good for so many things - like carrying items, building forts, moving houses, storing files... the list goes on and on.

One thing they aren't so good for however is putting people into.

Now I know there'll be a few of you saying - but why would you do that? To those people, I meant metaphorically not literally.

There will be others who will say, but what's the problem with having a perceived idea of someone - makes it easier to choose how you'll relate to them and helps to distinguish the 'good apples from the bad ones'. Ok maybe not in so many words, but you get the picture.

Well today I'm here to share with you three reasons why putting boxes around people isn't the best idea.

1. You create a particular view of the person - Ever heard someone say.. Oh he's the funny one, or she's the pretty one, or they're the one that's good at sport?
   
   These lines, while not meaning to be harmful can sometimes be extremely dangerous if used incorrectly. By saying them, you automatically make someone out to be a particular type of person and they in turn feel they can't be anything else. They may have many more gifts - ones greater than the original, but they will never use them as they think the only thing they can be good at is the thing everyone's talking about.
   
   On the flip side of this equation, not only will the person boxed in feel like there's only particular things they can do, but the people around them start to think that there's no use in trying something as a particular person is just so good at it and I'll never get there. This is just as dangerous as it creates a single point dependency where if a person suddenly is no longer there, no one can step in to fill the breach. It also reduces people's capacity to live to their full potential, something we weren't ever created for.
   
   
2. You put yourself at risk of conflict and disappointment - Putting boxes around people means that you always expect people to be a particular way as that's the image you've formed of them.When this doesn't happen, conflict and disappointment are normally the first things to occur as people don't deal well when those around them suddenly are no longer in their box.
   
   
   
   For many reasons, people's attitudes can change and while I know I struggle with this at times, we need to let this process occur as it is an important part of growing both as a person but also in relationship with others. If you place a person in a box though, when this happens, rather than letting a person grow, you instead due to your need for control begin trying to figure out how to put a person back in the box you are so comfortable with, missing out on ways you could help another person.
   
   
3. You also get boxed in - Now this one might sound hard to believe but trust me, it's true. When you place people into a particular area of your life or give them a particular role, you also place boxes around that can affect you mentally and make you feel 'boxed in' too.
   
   Recently, I was going through a bit of a funk and was wondering what was causing it? I had no idea and the more I thought about it, the worse it got.
   
   In recent weeks, I realised the funk was caused by the fact I was so busy boxing in those around me that I'd stopped worrying about doing things that I enjoy and instead spending that time trying impress those who were around me. This worrying and bad self esteem was a result of placing people in boxes so much that I was no longer just placing them in boxes, but I was putting myself in one too.
   
   
   
   I'd spend my days worrying not only about others and how I wanted them to be, but also how they saw me at particular times and then working out ways I could be me in the boxes I could see they were placing me in. Since realising this and reminding myself of a few home truths, I can honestly say my life is a lot happier and joyous.

While it might be easy to do, as the last three points show, boxing a person into a particular lifestyle, genre or way of living is more detrimental than just sticking a label on them, it can also stop dreams, remove talents or even come back to make you insecure.

So next time you feel the need to box someone in, remember, they may be good at something or be a certain type of person, but that's just part of the story, and there's many more chapters to come,

Till next time...

Want success? Then it's time to hit the training track!

Hi everyone,

Success is something that we all strive for in life. Whether it's a job, a relationship, a financial decision or just the basic things like making pancakes... we all want to do these things to the best of our ability. It's the way God made us.

Ever notice though that some people seem to be more successful than the rest? That some people are able to do things just that bit better than others?

Also ever notice that while the rest of us seem to go like a yo-yo when it comes to progress. there are some who just seem to keep going further and further?

Well today I'm going to share with you the reason for this.

While talent has some role to play in it, the real answer to the questions asked above boils down to one simple word - training.

Lionel Messi, one of the greatest football (soccer) goal scorers of all time, let alone players, did not
just become that way because he was talented. Sure that had some part to play, but what separates Messi from the rest is the fact that he spent over a decade in the Barcalona Academy, training with the stars and honing his skills. Even now, Messi is one of those players who continually puts in the one- percenters, staying back for hours after regular training to get the technique right and to practice new moves.

The same goes for you with your goals in life. You won't get anywhere of greatness unless you are willing to train yourself to get to where you want to go.

Now that doesn't mean getting out on a field and doing sprint runs for two hours, but it does mean training your mind to focus on the success you want and on how to deal with the obstacles that come in your way.

For example, one of my success areas is in the field of believing I can achieve goals in life. I don't always have (despite what it seems) the best self-confidence levels and so I have to train in this area to ensure I can keep doing what I need to do, rather than just get lazy and unmotivated.

I do this by making sure I start each day reading and listening to people who will inspire me to be great, by constantly telling myself that I can do what I need to do and by making sure I focus on possible challenges I may face at the start of the day and how I need to tackle them, rather than trying to deal with them when they happen.

Is it easy? I can honestly say that it's not and that some days are much less successful than others. Like an elite sportsperson however, I am starting to realise that those days are just setbacks, not the end of the road and so I go into the next day and strive to achieve my goals once more.

Is it worth it? Definitely. While I still yo-yo, I now am more aware of when I doing this and then I can take steps to stop that occurring in the future. I've also created a habit where I now check my mind every morning for this and so I am ready for what is to come and that's made life a lot easier to manage.

Training, while hard is the only way you can reach the potential you are called to. I challenge every one of you today to get into the training field and start focusing on what you want to succeed in.

I believe in you and know that if you do, your lives will be changed for the better for a lifetime to come.

Till next time...

Break the mold of society

Hi everyone,

Sorry for the lateness in this post, I was writing another piece but wasn't ready to release it so I decided to start again- and at this moment I can hear all the writers out there saying 'I feel ya bro'! :)

I don't like being negative but I have to admit that the world we live in is a sad place -and not because of wars, hurts or injustice (all though all those things are really not great).

No, today I say the world is a sad place because:

• people can't give a compliment without someone thinking they have an ulterior motive

• people are so use to not being thanked, they get scared when they are

• no one goes out of their way for anyone, for fear of being judged

• the phrase what's mine is yours has now become what's mine is mine & mine alone

• you can't have a conversation without someone trying to guess what the discussion is really about.

• people feel such a lack of community and support they will use public facilities to care for their kids instead of finding someone to look after them!

Since when did we become a world where trust, care and love were placed so low on the bar of importance in society that you'd need to be a limbo champion to reach them? 

It's time that someone changed this and today I'm putting the call out to all who read this post for that person to be you.

Too often in society, and this especially goes out to the Christians reading this, we would rather be accepted in society than to do what is right - I mean why try to help others out when we can just be happy with our friends, in our groups which love and care for us all and giving token gestures to show our support of the plight of the wider world?

Doing what is right however is how we will change the world. 

Now you might be saying, but I'm just one person doing right, surely my small works will do nothing. I say think again!

By doing what's right, you can inspire everyone around you and then they'll try it and inspire all around them and soon, communities & towns are all getting involved.

One of the greatest examples of this is one of my workmates. He works on the road but whenever he's in the office he's always buying coffee for others and inviting them to join him when he buys it, without ever expecting anything in return.

In doing this, he's not only inspired me to be more generous but he's made our entire team more generous as we see how much happier we are when we're giving. Now people regularly go on coffee trips together and we also buy each other coffee even when he's not around. 

This guy has changed an entire area of an office by one simple task.

Another example is the great community I belong to. A lot of these people give everything to help others see how great life can be. 

Even when budgets are tight, these are people who will by a smorgasbord of food for an event or a lolly store for a party. They also truly make everyone around them feel special and in doing so, inspire others to do the same.

Now while these two examples are great, they really shouldn't be anything special. This should be the way that we act all the time but sadly, it's so rare it needs to be pointed out here.

It's time we all started to act like this, the way Jesus called us to and the way we know we should as followers of God. Sure it's not normal and sure it might cause people to question or either persecute us, but we should expect that when doing God's will and be willing to keep going knowing the great change we can make.

So what are you waiting for... it's time to break the mold of society and change the world for the better. 

Till next time...

The 5 key things you need to survive the storm

Hi everyone,

So I promised you something life changing a few days ago and hopefully here it is.

In the last post I talked to you about why we need to sail through a storm rather than just avoid it - now I'm here to give you five things you need to do just this.

These however are not only important when it comes to overcoming challenges in life - they also will change the way you view the world and possibly make your life very different to what it is now.

1. Belief- first and foremost, you need to believe that you can overcome the challenge. You won't get past a tough situation if you can't see that there could be an end in sight. As humans, we hate the unknown and we'd rather be in a bad situation then go to an unknown that could be even worse. It's why it's so important to make sure you have stored in your mind a belief you can overcome any challenge. Even if when the challenge arises, you feel you can't overcome it, just knowing that you've trained your mind to think you can will make the process of working to overcome it easier.


2. Pride- now I know, there are plenty of post in this blog alone that talk about the danger of being filled with pride. In this case however, pride isn't a bad thing to have, when used correctly. Being proud of who you are as a person is key to gaining the confidence and belief to overcome challenges. If we aren't proud of who we are, then we can get lost in trying to be someone else or being favoured by others, which in a time of challenge, can lead us astray from the simple path out of the wilderness. We need to stay strong in our values and be proud of the person we are, flaws and all.
   


3. Humility- alongside pride however, we also need to have some humility. Want to know why so many great explorers died while exploring - and it wasn't because they weren't good enough! They perished because they weren't humble enough to know their limits and to seek out help when their abilities couldn't take them any further. When you're in a challenge and you don't know where to turn to, be brave enough to say that and seek the advice of those who you trust and who can build your confidence, or who have been through it before and can help you out of the mire.


4. Support- Of course, in order to seek out people for advice and confidence building, you have to have support around you in the first place. I think it is paramount that whether you are in a challenge or not, that you have a group of people around you at all times to help you with your life. As someone who for many years was a solo eagle - I know from plenty of experience that this is not the way to go, and that having support is key to success, especially when overcoming storms in life. Sometimes, having someone to talk to will clear the bad weather before it brews into a storm. Other times, having someone to talk to make travelling through the storm a little easier. Either way, if you ain't got a support network around you yet - now is the time to do so.


5. Patience- ah good old patience. Something I know I'm always in need of more of and really one
   
   of the more vital keys to surviving the storms of life. So often, we see a problem and we want to solve it straight away, then when we don't, we get downhearted and we need the other four keys mentioned above to get out of the storm. The truth is though, if we had just had the patience to know storms in life occur and taken measured steps rather than panicked and tried to solve our problem in 10 seconds, there's a good chance we'd have overcome the storm a lot sooner as our calm, clear thought processes would have steered us away from feelings and closer to the facts of the situation. So take my advice here, the moment you get into a storm in life, take a deep breath and look at what really matters - yes I know it takes time, but this patience could save you a lot of heartache.

So there you have it, five keys to overcome the storms of life and hopefully in the long run, make your life as great as it can be.

Till next time...

It's time to take on the storms in life

Hi everyone,

Have you ever tried to avoid a storm when you need to go somewhere? If you have, then chance are that you'd quickly realise that it's not an easy thing to do.

Sure you can go inside and be safe from it, but it will still hit the surrounding areas and have some impact on your life, even it is only that it delays you from where you were going.

Then there's the option to try to run away from it. While that's feasible in short stages, the problem with it is that you will most likely either have the storm follow you or, if you do avoid it at the time, another storm will come and you'll have to run again, constantly running from the weather to avoid it and never getting to where you needed to be.

Just like the weather, the storms in our lives - whether they are caused by loss, tragedy, lack of belief or circumstances we can't control - can have a severe impact on who we are and how our lives pan out.

All too often, people avoid moments or don't do what they know needs to be done as they feel that in doing this, they avoid the storm that is to hit if they keep going forward and face the challenges in their lives. Problem is though, just like the weather, they are either left stranded or the same/a similar problem arises hours, days or weeks later and the issue is never resolved.

So just what should we do when a storm hits. Well - as much as I hate to say it, when a storm hits, the best thing to do is to batten down the hatches and go straight through it and today, I'm going to give three reasons as to why.

1. If you go through a storm, while it may seem to be a destructive and at times terrifying process, you will always gain something out of it. While it's easy to think about how a storm can destroy or knock out power lines, it's sometimes harder, but just as true to say that they bring families closer together through time spent stuck at home, they unite people as they fight to help those affected and they make us all realise what's important. The same goes with storms of life - sometimes God shakes things up in our lives not because he want to cause chaos, but because we need a reminder of what's important and how much we need to draw back to him. Next time a storm comes in life, rather than seeing a negative, work to find the lessons to be gained.


2. Storms remind us that there are some things we can't control in life. Too often in our lives we get caught up in trying to make things happen our way but in a storm, we aren't able to do this. We become passengers to a much bigger phenomenon and have to rely on others knowledge of the weather charts and area to be able to stay safe. It's the same with the storms of life. The best thing you can do when faced with a storm is to just give up the problem to God and trust he'll see you through. Like working through storm, it isn't easy, but you can be assured that he'll be with you every step of the way and if it's meant to be in life, he will guide us safely out of the thunder and lighting.


3. At the end of every storm, there is a rainbow and clear skies. Now I know this is the one
   
   I struggle with the most - especially when metaphorically you are being drenched and the thunder and lighting is all around you. There are times recently where I have really felt as if there was no end to the craziness, but it's important that all of us in these times continue to look towards the end goal and have hope. This is not only because we believe in a God who will always see us through, but also because when we do this, we focus our energies on getting through the problem. This is a key to overcoming a storm as unless we realise there's a problem and work towards solving it, nothing will ever change in life.
   
   

Storms are designed to be moments of amazing power and change - in just one severe storm, many trees can be destroyed which will in the long run allow them to re-generate and become even greater or weather patterns can be changed from a sweltering hot day to a cooler, more comfortable summer night.

The same goes with the storms of life. It won't be easy, but if we are willing to take a risk, trust God and ride the storm, then we give ourselves the opportunity to grow in not only our understanding of a situation, but also in ourselves as well, 

So what storms are in your life that you need to confront and see through? Make tonight the night you do something about them and set your life free for greatness.

Till next time,.,

P.S. stay tuned for a special bonus post this weekend - it's going to be a life changer.